Going No Contact with a Parent: What to Expect and How Culture Plays a Role

Rebecca Leon, MHC-LP

It seems like more and more these days, we hear about adult children going “no contact” with one or both of their parents. This decision is often deeply challenging and emotionally charged. A common misconception is that going no contact with a “toxic” parent stems from a place of anger or impulsivity. Instead, making this decision is often an act of self-preservation after several attempts to make the relationship work (Goldman, 2021). Whether it is due to abuse, unresolved conflicts, or the need for personal growth, going no contact can be both liberating and complicated.

Why People Choose to Go No Contact

Going no contact involves cutting off communication and interaction with a parent. This decision is not taken lightly, as it can have significant emotional implications. It is a boundary-setting measure that individuals may choose when faced with ongoing toxicity, abuse, or a history of unresolved issues that hinder their well-being.

People decide to go no contact for a variety of reasons. It may be a means of protecting one's mental health, establishing boundaries, or breaking free from a cycle of abuse. Some find that their parent cannot provide the relationship they need. Others feel that interactions with their parent undermines their self-esteem, self-respect, choices, decisions, and relationships with others (Goldman, 2021). Ultimately, the decision to go no contact is deeply personal and reflects an individual's need for self-preservation and personal growth.

What to Expect

Like anything else, there are benefits and consequences to going no contact with a parent. What you can expect largely depends on the relationship dynamic between you, the parent in question, and other family members (Goldman, 2021). Nonetheless, emotions are bound to run high when contemplating or implementing this decision. Guilt, sadness, anger, and relief are common feelings that individuals may experience.

The decision to go no contact may also impact your relationship with other family members. Not everyone may support or understand your decision. As a result, it is important to consider how the decision to go no contact may lead to fallout in your other relationships. 

Cultural Considerations

While going no contact may be an empowering choice for some, it is essential to recognize that cultural factors can significantly impact its feasibility. In certain cultures, severing ties with a parent contradicts deeply ingrained values such as filial piety, respect for elders, and family unity. In cultures where family bonds are considered sacred and essential, the idea of going no contact might be met with resistance and judgment. 

Family reputation and societal expectations can create significant barriers, making it more challenging for individuals to break away from toxic relationships. Navigating cultural stigma and cultural expectations can make the decision to go no contact even more complex. If these cultural values are important to you, going no contact may not be the best solution.

Alternative Solutions

Dealing with a toxic parent and making the decision to go no contact requires a delicate balance between honoring cultural values and prioritizing personal well-being. If you think you need a change to protect your mental health but don’t want to cut off your parents completely, there are alternative solutions. Some people choose to cut off contact for a period and then revisit the decision later. This solution affords them time to focus on their mental health and learn skills for navigating complex relationships before allowing their parent back into their lives (Goldman, 2021).

Rather than going completely silent, some people may also choose to have limited contact with a parent. Limited contact could mean seeing a parent on certain occasions or limiting interaction to phone calls. Setting boundaries or creating distance without completely cutting ties may be more culturally acceptable for some.

Seeking Support and Understanding

Regardless of cultural considerations, individuals contemplating going no contact should seek support and understanding. Friends, therapists, and support groups can offer a safe space to discuss emotions, fears, and potential strategies. Connecting with others who have experienced similar situations can be particularly beneficial.

Deciding to go no contact with a parent is a complex and deeply personal choice. While it can be relieving for some, the feasibility of this decision can be influenced by cultural factors. Balancing cultural expectations with the need for personal well-being is a delicate process, and seeking support is crucial in navigating the emotional challenges that come with such a decision. Ultimately, the journey toward healing and self-discovery is unique for everyone, and finding a path that aligns with both personal and cultural values is key.

Sources

Goldman, R. (2021). Going No Contact with a Parent: What to Expect and More. PsychCentral.