The Importance of Self-Validation

Rebecca Leon, MHC-LP

It feels good to be praised – humans are wired for love, connection, and acceptance. This desire for validation is normal, but it’s important to remember that relying on external forms of acceptance can often come at the expense of our mental health. Being dependent on external validation can make us feel anxious or depressed, especially when we don’t receive the approval we crave. When we place too much stock into other people’s opinions, disapproval and criticism can feel even more painful. We can’t rely on others to make us feel good or define our worth. Instead, we need to learn how to validate ourselves (Martin, 2019). Self-validation focuses on internal rather than external acceptance and involves recognizing our own worth, accepting our feelings and experiences, and finding contentment from within. 

Why Self-Validation Matters

External validation, such as praise from others or achieving external goals, can be fleeting. Relying solely on external sources of validation can lead to feelings of inadequacy and insecurity. Self-validation, on the other hand, offers several important benefits.

Self-validation is important for emotional resilience. Learning to validate yourself can help you navigate life with greater emotional stability because you’re less dependent on external circumstances to feel good about yourself. This independence from external validation fosters increased self-esteem and self-confidence (Martin, 2019). As you recognize your strengths and worth, your self-esteem naturally improves.

Self-validation can empower you to make decisions and choices based on your own values and desires rather than seeking approval from others. This greater independence allows you to lead a more authentic life that aligns with your personal beliefs and priorities. Individuals who can love, validate, and accept themselves often have healthier relationships because their self-worth is not defined by their interactions with others. Instead, they bring a sense of self-assuredness to their relationships.

Practical Steps for Self-Validation

There are many ways to develop self-validation. A good place to start is by becoming more aware of your thoughts and feelings. Pay attention to your self-talk, and when you notice self-criticism or self-doubt, challenge those negative beliefs. When negative thoughts start to creep in, consider the following affirmations:

• My feelings are valid.

• It’s okay to cry or feel sad.

• I’m a work in progress. 

• I am worthy.

• I am more than my accomplishments or failures.

• My self-worth isn’t based on other people’s opinions.

• Everyone makes mistakes.

• I can trust myself. 

• Not everyone has to like me. I like myself (Martin, 2019).

Setting realistic goals is another way of fostering self-validation. Establish achievable, meaningful goals that are in alignment with your values. These goals will give you a sense of purpose and accomplishment, reinforcing your self-worth as you progress toward them. Celebrate your achievements, regardless of their size. When you accomplish something, no matter how small, acknowledge your successes. These celebrations are vital in affirming your worth and fostering further self-validation.

Self-compassion is also a crucial element of internal validation. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend in times of difficulty (Martin, 2019). Self-compassion allows you to navigate challenges and setbacks with greater resilience. Lean into self-care as a way of developing that compassion. To learn more about self-care, read our previous blog post here.  

Self-validation isn’t an easy concept to achieve—it’s a process that takes time and effort. Self-validation involves recognizing your worth, treating yourself with kindness, and learning to celebrate your achievements. By focusing on self-awareness, self-compassion, and the development of supportive inner dialogue, you can experience the emotional resilience and self-esteem that self-validation brings. Remember that your worth is not determined by external factors but by your own acknowledgment of your inherent value. 

Sources:

Martin, S. (2019). Why It’s So Important to Validate Yourself and How to Start. PsychCentral.