Coping With A Breakup
Rebecca Leon, MHC-LP
Breakups…we’ve all been there at some point! Relationships can end for several reasons, but even when breaking up feels like the right thing to do, it can still be an incredibly painful experience. When a relationship ends, you may feel profound disappointment, stress, and grief because it represents the loss, not just of the partnership, but also of the dreams and commitments you shared (Segal, Kemp & Smith, 2023). It’s okay to feel that way—there’s no right or wrong way to experience a breakup. But amidst the heartache, it’s important to be gentle with yourself and prioritize your mental health. Here are some tips for coping with a breakup so you can start the process of healing and take care of yourself:
Allow yourself to feel your emotions: Breakups can stir up a wide range of feelings: sadness, anger, disappointment, and in some cases, relief. There's no one way to feel. Give yourself time and space to acknowledge and process your feelings. Remember that grief is not linear; some days may feel easier than others. When difficult emotions arise, try to sit with the discomfort for a period of time rather than pushing the feelings away. Consider writing in a journal, talking to a friend, or seeking help from a therapist to process and work through challenging emotions.
Practice self-care: Self-care is important for day-to-day well-being but especially crucial during a breakup. Self-care may consist of a wide range of activities that make you feel good and reconnect you with yourself. Although self-care looks different for everyone, some activities may include taking a relaxing bath, going for a walk, treating yourself to a nice meal, or engaging in a hobby. Remember to take care of your physical health too, as this is also a form of self-care. Getting enough sleep, eating well, and exercising regularly can help aid in the process of healing. Sleep and exercise are especially important for decreasing stress levels and stabilizing your mood. For more on self-care, see our previous blog post: https://www.wovetherapy.com/blog/what-is-self-care
Set boundaries: If you and your ex are still in contact, it’s important to set boundaries to protect your mental health. This could mean limiting your communication with your ex or taking a break from social media if you feel it could be triggering. Pay attention to what you need and honor what you believe is best for you, even if it's different from what your ex or others want (Segal, Kemp & Smith, 2023). It’s okay to prioritize your own mental health and communicate these needs to the people in your life.
Focus on the present moment: It’s easy to get caught up in what could have been or what went wrong in the relationship. Instead, try to focus on the present moment and what you can do to take care of yourself right now. When your mind starts to wander into the past, acknowledge the feelings that come up, and bring your attention back to the present moment. Mindfulness, or the act of noticing and acknowledging thoughts without judgment, may be a valuable tool in reducing rumination. Consider acknowledging these thoughts—as they are completely normal—and letting them go without engaging. This act of mindfulness can help bring your attention back to the present moment without dwelling too long on "what could have been."
Seek support: Breakups can be isolating, but it's important to remember that you're not alone. Reach out to friends and family for help and continue to be active socially, if possible. According to experts, staying social is linked to decreased depression and a longer life (Cherney, 2019). For additional support, consider seeing a therapist. Professionals in the field can provide you with tools and strategies to cope with your emotions and move forward in a healthy way.
Breakups can often result in a grieving process that takes time to heal from. Be patient with yourself and remember that you’re not alone! Prioritize your mental and physical health during this time and seek professional help if you need it. You got this!
Sources:
Cherney, K. (2019). Breaking Up Is Hard to Do: These 9 Tips Can Help. Healthline.
Segal, J., Kemp, G., & Smith. M. (2023). Coping with a Breakup or Divorce. HelpGuide.org.