New Year Reflections: Reconnecting with Oneself
By Jessica Chang, MHC-LP
With the closing of one year and the beginning of another, people often enter a time of reflection and setting intentions. Whether one subscribes to the notion of New Year’s resolutions or not, the time of year lends itself towards spending more time indoors, contemplating interpersonal relationships, navigating family dynamics, and thinking about all that has happened in the past 12 months… reflecting on where you are at now, and what is about to begin. And if these reflections are not on your mind as 2024 comes to an end and 2025 begins, then perhaps consider this a sign encouraging you to tune into and reconnect with your self.
Connecting with Self
Feeling connected with oneself can hold different meanings and may look different for each individual at different times of life. Generally, connecting with oneself involves understanding one’s true desires, values, and emotions. There are many reasons why one may find a lack of connection with one’s self, ranging from consciously distancing to subconsciously drifting or being actively inhibited from these concepts.
Some examples of reasons for feeling disconnected from oneself:
Grief and loss
Monotony
Lack of self-expression
Abusive relationship
Substance use
Mental health disorders
Chronic pain or illness
Trauma
Intersectionality
Those with various marginalized identities, especially women of color and children of immigrants, are often taught to put others before themselves. By being told to not be an inconvenience to anyone or attract unwanted attention or take up space, it can feel like there is no room for one’s own desires, values, or emotions. Constant messaging that other people have it worse than you do and to not go against the status quo or you may end up alone for the rest of your life can be forms of manipulation that inhibits people from connecting with oneself. This environment may foster the alienation of one’s true self or the distancing of various parts of oneself, again preventing marginalized individuals from being in touch with one’s own desires, values, and emotions.
Being disconnected from oneself can be detrimental to one’s mental health, including but not limited to contributing towards low self-esteem, unsatisfying interpersonal and romantic relationships, and lacking a sense of belonging. Experiencing disconnect from oneself can manifest as people-pleasing, difficulties with setting and maintaining boundaries, shallow connections with others, feeling lost in life and lacking purpose, and burnout. To work through these issues and create new patterns, it is important to find ways to begin communicating and connecting with oneself.
How to connect with oneself
Connecting with oneself for the first time or reconnecting with oneself after time apart can feel like a big question mark in where to start. Although there is no one right way to become (re)acquainted with yourself, here are a few guidelines in where to start.
Give yourself permission. To take up space, make mistakes, and not be liked by everyone around you. Although it may feel foreign, uncomfortable, and terrifying at times, shift your focus towards your relationship with yourself.
Hold space for all versions of yourself. Show yourself kindness and compassion, and be open to change. You may be surprised by your own values, desires, and emotions. Be curious, and allow yourself to explore these avenues and embrace times of discomfort. Humans are complex beings, and you are deserving of your own time, care, and attention while getting to know yourself.
Practice tuning into and establishing your own boundaries. Having boundaries is a form of self-expression and self-advocacy. It is a form of self-respect that honors one’s own safety and protection, allowing for meaningful connections with oneself as well as with others. A form of setting boundaries with oneself may include questioning and communicating with one’s intrusive thoughts.
Express gratitude. Reflect on what you appreciate in life. This may elucidate aspects of your priorities, including your true values, desires, and emotions. Focusing on what you like can help foster your own interests and sense of self.
Practice mindfulness and acceptance of self. Be aware of and open to your thoughts and feelings along with your reactions and judgments to your thoughts and feelings. Be present and stay with yourself through all these sensations. These exercises may strengthen the relationship with oneself and relates to self-esteem and self-efficacy.
Seek out awe-inspiring experiences and get creative. By looking beyond oneself for something greater can be helpful in finding ways to (re)connect with oneself and one’s emotions, desires, and values. Creative expressions can be helpful when these concepts feel inaccessible or difficult to describe in words. Examples: nature, spiritual contemplation, psychedelics, collective movement, art, music, dance.
Conclusion
Reconnecting with oneself can feel daunting and overwhelming, but it is not something you have to do alone. Speak with a therapist to better understand what is coming up in times of disconnect with yourself and explore options of connecting with yourself in ways that work best for you. Your emotions, desires, and values are all valid, from previous years and into 2025. Happy reflecting, and Happy New Year!
Sources:
Galperin, S. (2024). The midlife reset: reconnecting with yourself. CBT Psychology.
Pederson, T. (2024). 7 Ways to Reconnect with Yourself. PsychCentral.
Rothrock, A. (2023). Reconnecting With Yourself After Change. Psychology Today.
Uttamchandani, K. (2022). Reconnecting With Your Lost Self. Medium.